A Vineyard Debut!

Hey y'all!!

Since I've been hiding out in various holes for the past several months and only scurried out for occasional food or a shower, I didn't post on the blog.  SORRY I SWEAR I STILL LOVE EVERYONE.

I have an idea to share: We're going to start a game of Pokémon Snap with the Vineyard residents and associates.  If you get a picture of me, it's a lot of points (double that if it's at a Vineyard party).

That was just made up. Maybe Beka will make it real because she's great at things like that.

This is not at all legitimate, but I really wanted to stop by and say, "Hello world! Thanks for the 954 views!"

Much love,

Emily

P.S.  I sent out the Comcast email on time for the first time in roughly 6 months.

P.P.S.  Follow a new blog documenting my misadventures on the path of trying to be a grown up here!

In which the Vineyard goes on winter break...and promises to post more next quarter.

Hi everyone,

We're on winter break! It's awesome.

We're sorry you haven't heard much from us.

Really really sorry.

We'll be back in full force come January (maybe).

In the meantime, here are some pictures to keep you company:

Merry Christmas, be good, spread the cheer.

--The Vineyard

It's Reading Period!

This is the state of our lives: On Tuesday, we realized that we have a single remaining roll of toilet paper left in the Vineyard. Today, it is Friday, and now, we have also run out of eggs, bread, and cereal. There is one quarter of the toilet paper roll left.

What we do have: a bag of "pecan butter bites" (each cookie is a size of a Dunkin' Donuts Munchkin and contains a whopping 110 calories), taco ingredients, kale, a half gallon of milk, and a pan of brownies made with yogurt and cornstarch because we have no eggs.

Meanwhile, we hope for Christmas cookies, temperatures above twenty degrees, and grade-A eggs and papers.

Hmmmm

Everyone in the Vineyard has a really cute butt. You're welcome.

Boyer's Vineyard: The Art Gallery

Surprise! We're still alive! Everyone's been swamped with work, but tonight, I'm taking a night off to give you, devoted reader, an inside look at Boyer's Vineyard and its fabulous wall art. Our apartment is essentially a bonafide art museum. We have a long hallway:

Crooked picture courtesy of Photo Booth.

Let's be real: a long hallway and bright lighting is pretty much all you need to create your own homegrown gallery. Over the past few months, we've accumulated some gems that are currently on display (mostly thanks to our talented curator, Beka [I think]).

One of the first additions to the collection, this inspiring quote pays homage to the great Orville Richard Burrell, more commonly known as the music virtuoso Shaggy. Emily repurposed an ancient course catalog and our leftover paint. Due to the high acid content of the catalog paper, this piece has only gotten better with age.

There's an official name for this height chart that will probably remain a perpetual mystery to me. The title of tallest is currently held by Tom while Aida snatches the honor of being the shortest. I was going to give you summary statistics, but it turns out that all the numbers next to our names are dates. At a glance, I say our sample would have a distribution that is skewed to the right. (Look at me putting my education to good use!)

On your left, you will see Harriett's contribution to our poster collection. Her piece provides a comprehensive introduction to cocktails and their ingredients – in Italian! So you can truly feel cosmopolitan while you're sipping your Cosmopolitan. On your right, we have four pieces of turquoise blue duct tape, which provides a stunning contrast to the emerald greens that feature prominently in this cartographic reimagining of the historic Hyde Park neighborhood.

Beka rescued this remarkable self-portrait from a trash heap near the Vineyard. Feeling that the artist did not fully capture the spirit of our UChicago experience, we made some adjustments to the original work. Indeed, you will notice the word "study" written in dry erase marker and a fake mustache (because nothing conveys that you have a great sense of humor like a fake mustache).

Photo wall of obligatory group photos.

An excerpt from Hannah's art project from spring quarter. The caption reads: "If Pyramus forgot the dishes one more time, Thisby was literally going to kill herself."

Lepitodopetera. Nabokov would be proud. Or horrified. Or indifferent.

By far the most valuable object in the collection,  this needlepoint masterpiece was a gift to Harriett from one of her study abroad friends. This snarky epigraph can be used for all occasions and delivers just the right amount of sass to leave your enemies open-mouthed with terrified awe.

But wait! There's more! Boyer's Vineyard also has temporary holiday-themed exhibitions. Just recently, we put together some Halloween decor that would have Martha Stewart kelly green with envy.

Just wait until Christmas.

The Second Coming

Things have fallen apart. I haven't updated you, our captive audience, in a while. School has taken my soul and mind in full anarchy and will continue to do so for some time. But I used the Elder Pledge to briefly subdue the havoc in order to write this post and watch the new episodes of How I Met Your Mother.

But I derail.

Now that you have gotten to know the main crew (the shot-callers) you are going to meet the shipmates (the ballers). These are the people who we like but not enough to actually live with. Just kidding, we love them! They don't pay rent (it's all about dem Benjamins), but they basically live here and need to be introduced. I'm sure there will be other introductions to come.

Luke from Dorsey, Illinois frequently teaches us simpletons here at the vineyard about his favorite magical turn on (e.g. chemistry). When he dances some say he throws sexy away (recycles, actually) then brings it back, while his signature dance move is something on the lines of futuristic folk juke. Luke loves Jesus so much (he should just marry him), but what he can't stand are posers. So if you're a poser, you better watch your back - Luke took the intro class to krav maga.

Sam from Las Vegas, Nevada can't tell the difference between a caffè crema or caffè Medici but she can tell you the difference between Ke$ha's and Iggy Azalea's lyrical rap styles. She enjoys giving haircuts in exchange for your life baked vegan goods, but don't get her started on the socio-historical implications of cityscape meandering.

Amra from Bosnia/Chicago is the type of person you go to when you try and do the Cat Daddy in public and then you fall on your face because you don't tie your shoes because that would be uncool. She enjoys potatoes with mysterious "white cheese", but disregards those who question her ability to read kids' minds with her invention of the puzzle box. Now that she has a new job, if you ask she might lawyer you. 

 

Marvin from Texas loves sprinting along Lake Michigan and if you stalk him long enough, he'll probably do it shirtless. On most days he spends his time trying to solve the problem education for under privileged zombie children, but during his free time he loves to drink muscle milkshakes and sing along to classics such as "Ohio is for Lovers" and "Midnight Train to Georgia". He'll probably leave his backpack at your house, tell a joke, make everyone in the room laugh but then immediately question the ethics of said joke, and he also owes me 35 cents, just saying.

Marcus from Crown Point, Indiana absolutely hates how we don't finish things at the vineyard (e.g. leaving two Oreos in the box). Stories of his trials and Trybula-tions could make angry cat roll over in hysterical laughter and, on occasion, expel a single tear. Marcus can be made fun of for his signature epithets (sassaphrass out the assaphrass) or his ability to wear clothes until they are literally falling apart. Unofficially, he majors in analytic woodworking with a specialty in eclectic door tables.

Josh from New Lenox, Illinois has probably programmed our minds to enjoy his witty banter, but we don't take offense (or do we). Josh's most loved and most hated earthly entity is bacon. Nowadays, he could be found sipping sophisticated scotch, but in high school I heard he was having an affair with Mrs. Jager, the gym teacher. Josh is also unofficially majoring in esoteric woodworking with an interest in bookshelf doors.

That's it. Don't hold your breath for more.

Your humble spiritus mundi,

Beka

Second Fridays in Pilsen: Elysia and Harriett Dip into Hipster-land

On Friday, Elysia and I went to Pilsen for an event called Second Fridays. On the second Friday of every month, a number of art galleries and showrooms in east Pilsen are open to the public for free. The idea grew out of a failed outing to a food truck rally downtown. The story there is (not that) good, so of course I'll tell it.

I've never been to a food truck, largely because the food truck craze was just picking up when I left for Italy last summer. Just the idea of food being cooked on a truck would probably send a lot of Italians to their graves in shock. Anyways, I've never been to a food truck, so I wanted to go. We waited for the bus to go downtown for at least a half-hour (probably more) as impatient passengers started piling up at the bus stop. When the bus finally arrived, we were informed that the delays were caused by the upcoming Chicago Marathon (which of course makes perfect sense, given that the race is a huge event and security has increased after Boston.) Elysia and I stuck out the wait and the packed bus ride, dreaming of the great food we were going to eat once we arrived at the rally.

The rally, of course, was scheduled to end at 8 PM. We arrived at 7:52 because of our delay, and the food truck rally was closed. So, bummer, we didn't get to eat any truck food. CTA mishaps are old news but I thought I'd tell that part of the story anyways.

Now, on to the good part of the evening:

I didn't recognize the part of Pilsen we were in when we first arrived. Granted, I haven't been to Pilsen in over a year and when I have gone there, it's been there for the Mexican History museum and the burritos. It wasn't just the lack of Mexican restaurants, but the crowd was noticeably different as well. I said to Elysia at one point during the evening that the people-watching was almost as good as the art. I really wish I'd have taken pictures of all the mustaches and that guy with the chihuahua in his purse. As Elysia put it, "I feel like I'm at a really artsy frat party"

Strangely, these 5 or 6 blocks we walked in Pilsen reminded me a lot of the South Wedge, a neighborhood in Rochester near where I grew up. The South Wedge is also going through a phase of gentrification, installing more up-scale boutiques, restaurants, and shops in recent years. There was  even a fancy chocolate shop, Chocolat, just like Hedonist back home in the South Wedge.

And even though I didn't get any photos of the great crowd, I did capture some of the weird art. Excuse the poor quality, these were taken with my cell phone. (which is not one of those iPhone gadgets all you kids have these days)

Ok as you've probably realized by now all of my photos are of these futuristic manikin things that were in the gallery windows. Sorry, but I really liked them.

Here's a picture of some performance art:

Performers walked around a bar for 3 hours at a pace of 50 beats/minute

There was another performance inside which involved transferring water one spoonful at a time to 6 different bowls on a table. I felt weird taking a picture of that one though. I felt less weird with the performers above, probably because they were blindfolded and behind a window. I still felt pretty weird though.

Girl and the Goat in Photos

Kathleen mentioned the Girl and the Goat in her most recent post, and in lieu of writing a real post (because I'm about to go grocery shopping and tackle a game theory problem set), I have a short photo essay.

Located in the West Loop, Girl and the Goat is the kind of place that requires reservations weeks in advance (at least), even for the odd dinner times on weekdays. Its claim of fame revolves it dazzling dishes, chef Stephanie Izard (who was the winner of Top Chef in its fourth season), and actual goat on the menu. With eight of us at dinner, we had just enough people to split an entire goat leg, but eight different plates that we shared.

I didn't manage to snap a picture of everything we ate, but here is a small selection. Dishes not pictured include escargot ravioli, tuna with a watermelon relish, and something with butternut squash that also featured a mushroom ragu. (Also, photo uploading messed up the quality of the photos. They look much better in iPhoto - I promise!)

Falafel Salad

Bread, possibly the tomato variety.

Wood Oven Roasted Pig Face

Goat Leg (with six different dipping sauces, hard boiled eggs, naan, fried scallions)

Beka wrote on Facebook: "The girls ate all the goat." This is actually not true, but we did eat a lot of it.

Group picture!

Leftovers turned into dinner. Clockwise from top left: G&G broccoli dish, goat, and homemade cornbread.

Etsy

Hey everyone! I recently opened up shop on Etsy to help generate attention for my work (and to make some revenue), so I would be delighted if you would go check it out! (shop kq exclusive) There isn't too much stuff on it yet, but it will be updated regularly as soon as things have been made, so check back often.

In other news, school has started for everyone in this apartment except for me (HA! perks of graduating early). I imagine they're all having fun in the libraries or something. I'm still doing not schoolwork and still being creative all day. I have to say, that's much more fun than doing a problem set. Recently, we all went to Girl and the Goat for dinner, which was a fun trip. We got a goat leg there, which was much bigger than we expected so we of course had leftovers to take home.

Other than that, we have done very little, including not blogging at all. I assume everyone in Boyer's Vineyard is still alive and well, but as I haven't been there in a while, I'm not entirely certain of this. I shall have to visit soon to ascertain this. Perhaps even today! I do have to go obtain some jars from there so I can make strawberry jam...

That's another thing - Beka, Luke, and I have discovered Stanley's Fruits and Vegetables by the Container Store (one of the best stores ever) which sold 8 boxes of strawberries for a dollar. ONE DOLLAR!! So now three boxes are in my freezer waiting to be turned into jam since I couldn't eat them fast enough. But that's a great store.

Oh, and Elysia has become a very important person on campus by being a Student Director for Orientation. Although school has started so maybe she's less important now. I'm not too sure. She could still be very important.

Go buy stuff from my Etsy store :) (here)

Life After College

I recently graduated from the University of Chicago, after three very long years and an even longer 8 hour ceremony. Like any typical recent college graduate, I had a pre-midlife crisis and decided to throw all of my training and background aside and become a fashion designer. Because I like making clothes and people look pretty or something like that.

Anyway, you can follow the results of my crisis here at kq exclusive. It will be updated every time I create something new. And will have multiple blog posts from today since I just created it but I already have some creations to share. So that will be the rest of my day. Maybe start on my new project. You'll have to follow my fashion blog to find out what that is though.

The Introduction

Well now that you've probably gotten a feel for what the vineyard is like, I think it's time for a proper introduction. I'll start with the best of the best (the people who actually live or have lived in Boyer's Vineyard).

Harriett from Rochester, New York is a self-proclaimed rebel. She doesn't really proclaim that, but I think she should start. She enjoys dancing to songs such as "Bohemian Like You" and "It's Raining Men", and hates people who wear buffalo checkered flannel. You'll usually find her in a piano room practicing the Romeo and Juliet theme song or in the vineyard binge watching Scandal.

Hannah from Louisville, Ohio hates mushrooms and olives but loves the smell of freshly opened reddit pages. When she was little she wanted to be a horse but her passion now lies in writing although she was eliminated from the 3rd grade spelling bee on the word afternoon. She bruises easily, so please don't punch. Currently she is attempting to build a scale model toothpick of a toothpick.

Elysia [uh-lee-shuh] from Hillsdale, New Jersey doesn't like watermelon because it's gross. She is an avid fan of Sherlock and Mad Men and has considered becoming a detective with a knack for catchy slogans. She once wrote a 50,000 word novel and killed a cockroach with a bottle of vinegar. On certain days, you can find her in the Stuart Reading room discussing the implications of Iranian folk art.

Emily from Minooka, Illinois is the one responsible for the cozy décor in Boyer's Vineyard. Currently studying social work, she hopes to rid the world of the "problem child" along with gluten. You know you've made a good joke when the number of her snorts reach inhuman proportions. On sunny days, Emily can usually be found practicing jazz flute and Magic....at the same time.

Kathleen from San Diego, California is a soon-to-be-discovered fashion designer who specializes in art deco couture. When not standing on top of a twenty person pyramid, she can be seen giving withering looks. One of her most prized possessions is her hand made bean bag chair, voted most comfortable furniture by Reader's Digest.

Payton from Bellingham, Washington is what some might call a starving street performer. For the past summer the game in Boyer's Vineyard was to make him juggle things. Items have included: raw chickens, potted plants, and freedom. Unfortunately, for the next year he will be enjoying high tea with the Queen and James Bond but he might take a celeb shot on the blog, since he is undefeated at beer pong since 1942.

And finally, yours truly, Beka from New Lenox, Illinois but in dangerous situations I call myself "Slayer Moon". I am really what brings the Boyer's Vineyard together, with my sense of humor and ability to make puns. Usually you can find me turning pintrocities into pinchievements or slurping a mexicana shake while debating the semantic relationship between FIDLAR and YOLO. All my favorite things are miniature.

War of the Flies

Last night, we had an absolute catastrophe at Boyer's Vineyard, in which we were surrounded by flies. We could not walk anywhere without having to swat at least one away. They crowded the windows, flew all around the lights, and constantly landed on our food. The moment we chased one away, another two came to replace it, like chopping off the Hydra's head. There were probably a total of 75-100 flies in our living room/kitchen and Hannah's bedroom. In her room, they were quite relaxed while chilling on the pull chains to her lights. They were neatly lined up all in a row, occasionally launching off to make a lap around her ceiling light before returning to their spot in line. They looked like they were lining up to receive unemployment benefits.

The heat was also unbearable. The apartment was absolutely stifling and after dinner, we all stepped outside to cool off. Meanwhile, the flies began terrorizing the bread that we left on the counter as well as the ceiling lights in all the rooms. When we returned inside, the flies were everywhere. There was nothing in sight that didn't have a fly crawling over it. Earlier in the day, Elysia had killed a bunch of flies on on the windows by spraying them with Windex. Now, she pulled the Windex back out in preparation to kill more flies. Hannah came up with the brilliant idea of using a hand vacuum to vacuum up all the flies, dead or alive. Beka used the Internet to search for fly traps, while Harriett called her mom for best proven methods. This was just the beginning of our war with the flies.

Within ten minutes, we had four fly traps set up on our counter, one of honey, one of cider vinegar and dish soap, one of ice, hot sauce and bread, and one of wine and dish soap. These ultimately proved to be fairly ineffective, but it did make us feel a little bit better about our chances. Using the vacuum, Hannah sucked up flies that Elysia had killed earlier along the walls and windows before moving onto the infestation in her own room. Balancing precariously on the edge of her bed, she alternated between vacuuming the flies on her pull chains and ducking out of the way of swooping flies who had scuttled out of of the way of the deadly vacuum. Soon, the vacuum was filled with flies, still hopelessly trying to escape their trap.

It was then that Hannah decided that she couldn't suck up any more flies. The flies in the vacuum were still alive and massively creeping her out. So she emptied the vacuum outside. It was a good thing that the screen door was shut or all the flies would just have flown back into the apartment. I quickly sprayed the flies on the screen with an ammonia formula Windex to make sure they were taken down before slipping the Windex out to Hannah, who went crazy with the flies on the glass part of the door. Not a single one was left to fly back in after the assault.

As soon as Hannah came back inside, the war truly began. We noticed the flies were congregating around the lights and avoiding our fly traps. It was like they knew the traps meant death and that their time was coming and they were secretly planning an assault on us. I hopped on a chair and sprayed the lights until they dripped with ammonia and the flies were dropping out of the sky. They fell onto the floor, the counters, the sink. The vacuum was put into use to suck up all the casualties of the War of the Flies. The method of spraying the flies with Windex proved to work fairly well, although I have to say that we definitely went a little bit overboard with it.

It was when our good friend and comrade Luke arrived that the flies really fled for their lives. Luke hopped around our kitchen like a grasshopper, swatting the flies from the ceiling to the floor with a rolled up UChicago magazine. It's a good thing he's so tall or this would not have worked out so well. Inspired, Beka rolled up a newspaper and joined in the fun, although she shrieked consistently about fly guts. Elysia took up the Windex and started spraying flies on the other lights until they dripped with the liquid. Soon, our living room was down to only a few flies. We then continued onto Hannah's room, where the flies were quickly decimated as well.

Thus, the War of the Flies was declared over and a victorious game of Pictionary ensued. Although the fly traps were for the most part unsuccessful, they did manage to lure a few flies over night and through today, so I suppose they can't be deemed entirely useless.

Food Blogging Is Still Cool, Right?

At the insistence of Harriett, I am now writing my first post for this blog. And, I also bring good news for you, dear reader. If one blog doesn't bring enough sparkle to your life, you're in luck because I'm also starting a food blog to catalog all of the delightful and strange things we eat in our daily lives. There are recipes, and like my posts on this blog, it's part scrapbook, part me talking to myself, and part (potentially) useful information.

So if you click here, you'll see that there is exactly one post. After drafting a couple of them, I've realized that someone needs to invent a camera that can wirelessly upload pictures to my computer. I'm ready to hit "Publish" on my carrot cake recipe, but I'm too lazy to import the pictures. I also don't like taking pictures of food. (Don't look at me like that. I know you're thinking, "Wow, this girl definitely has all to be an awesome food blogger.")

In all seriousness though, I will make the best effort to keep it updated. I'll probably muster up the energy to upload pictures sometime today. My day is gloriously unplanned. I'm getting dollar milkshakes later with Harriett. I'll read a couple of chapters of Lolita. Maybe do a load of laundry.

Welcome

Why hello there. I'm glad you're reading Boyer's Vineyard. It could change your life. As my roommate and co-author Beka would say, there's a non-zero probability that reading this will change your life. So, theoretically possible. Statistically impossible. Something like that.

My name is Harriett and as you can see from the above intro, I like to pretend that I am smart and that I know things. I'm a class-A charlatan, so get used to it. But this blog isn't about me. It's about Boyer's Vineyard.

I'm not sure where the title Boyer's Vineyard came from. All I know is that's what it says on a sign on the door to our apartment. I assume the Boyer part comes from Dean John W. Boyer, the dean of the College at the University of Chicago, where we are all students. Our apartment is Hannah, Emily, Beka, Elysia, and me (Harriett, because you already forgot.) All of us are 4th-years (seniors) except Emily, because she's in a dual-degree program for social work (I hope I got that right.)

We started this blog because, well, I don't know. It might be a good way to remember senior year of college. Also, I think we all like to write. I (sort of) had a blog going last year while I was studying abroad, and Elysia and Hannah both study English so...one would hope. None of us seems to have the "time" (will, desire, drive, what have you) to keep up individual blogs, so we're doing one together in the hope that it will be easier.

I don't have any good ideas for what to write about in this post, so I'll tell you what's going on right now in this very moment right here at Boyer's Vineyard.

Three of us are in the kitchen/living room. All of us are on our (basically) identical macbooks. Is this sounding like college yet? I don't know what Hannah's doing. Beka was just on Turkish Wikipedia. Emily is on vacation. Elysia gets back from her summer internship in New York tomorrow. Since I studied abroad, I haven't seen her in over a year so I'm pretty pumped for her return. Hannah and I spent the afternoon at Cafe 53, where we were supposed to be working on applications for the Fulbright scholarship, but I don't think either of us made much progress. Classes don't start for another 3 weeks so it's still summer. 

So, welcome to the incredibly exciting life at Boyer's Vineyard. Stay tuned to see if anyone else posts. Hopefully they do or I'll seem like a fool.