Things have fallen apart. I haven't updated you, our captive audience, in a while. School has taken my soul and mind in full anarchy and will continue to do so for some time. But I used the Elder Pledge to briefly subdue the havoc in order to write this post and watch the new episodes of How I Met Your Mother.
But I derail.
Now that you have gotten to know the main crew (the shot-callers) you are going to meet the shipmates (the ballers). These are the people who we like but not enough to actually live with. Just kidding, we love them! They don't pay rent (it's all about dem Benjamins), but they basically live here and need to be introduced. I'm sure there will be other introductions to come.
Luke from Dorsey, Illinois frequently teaches us simpletons here at the vineyard about his favorite magical turn on (e.g. chemistry). When he dances some say he throws sexy away (recycles, actually) then brings it back, while his signature dance move is something on the lines of futuristic folk juke. Luke loves Jesus so much (he should just marry him), but what he can't stand are posers. So if you're a poser, you better watch your back - Luke took the intro class to krav maga.
Sam from Las Vegas, Nevada can't tell the difference between a caffè crema or caffè Medici but she can tell you the difference between Ke$ha's and Iggy Azalea's lyrical rap styles. She enjoys giving haircuts in exchange for your life baked vegan goods, but don't get her started on the socio-historical implications of cityscape meandering.
Amra from Bosnia/Chicago is the type of person you go to when you try and do the Cat Daddy in public and then you fall on your face because you don't tie your shoes because that would be uncool. She enjoys potatoes with mysterious "white cheese", but disregards those who question her ability to read kids' minds with her invention of the puzzle box. Now that she has a new job, if you ask she might lawyer you.
Marvin from Texas loves sprinting along Lake Michigan and if you stalk him long enough, he'll probably do it shirtless. On most days he spends his time trying to solve the problem education for under privileged zombie children, but during his free time he loves to drink muscle milkshakes and sing along to classics such as "Ohio is for Lovers" and "Midnight Train to Georgia". He'll probably leave his backpack at your house, tell a joke, make everyone in the room laugh but then immediately question the ethics of said joke, and he also owes me 35 cents, just saying.
Marcus from Crown Point, Indiana absolutely hates how we don't finish things at the vineyard (e.g. leaving two Oreos in the box). Stories of his trials and Trybula-tions could make angry cat roll over in hysterical laughter and, on occasion, expel a single tear. Marcus can be made fun of for his signature epithets (sassaphrass out the assaphrass) or his ability to wear clothes until they are literally falling apart. Unofficially, he majors in analytic woodworking with a specialty in eclectic door tables.
Josh from New Lenox, Illinois has probably programmed our minds to enjoy his witty banter, but we don't take offense (or do we). Josh's most loved and most hated earthly entity is bacon. Nowadays, he could be found sipping sophisticated scotch, but in high school I heard he was having an affair with Mrs. Jager, the gym teacher. Josh is also unofficially majoring in esoteric woodworking with an interest in bookshelf doors.
That's it. Don't hold your breath for more.
Your humble spiritus mundi,
Beka
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